I’am lost! I really am.
If you asked me a year ago what I wanted to be I would say “a successful business women working in one of the big 4 company’s”. To my surprise, as soon as I graduated I got the position that every person in my field would dream of. Lucky? I know. But I wasn’t happy. There was something missing. I realised that it is not meant for me, its just not who I am. I just didn’t belong. I used to come back home after a long day of work feeling depressed as hell but no one ever knew that, I faked a smile, I pretended to love it, but basically I was fooling myself. I distracted myself by getting a gym membership and joining the weekly yoga and zumba classes; to lighten my mood and honestly that did work to some extent. However, I am currently unemployed and terrified as hell because I no longer have anything to do, like literally nothing at all!!! Yes i did hate my job and yes I wanted to leave but at the end of the day I did have something to do, a reason to leave the house for a couple of hours without getting a million phone calls from my parents. I am 21 years old who has not been out for over 3 years now. My parents gave me life but at the same time they took everything away from me, they took my privilege to go out and have some fun (thats why I haven’t been out), they took my freedom away from me. I go nowhere. Literally. Which lead to my self esteem being basically zero. I’ve always been that kind of person with high ambitions, I’ve never liked the idea of sitting at home doing nothing all day (and everyday in my case), being stuck at home just killed my ambition, it made me a very quite person. To add to that, I am the kind of person that keeps her emotions to herself, and for that reason people take me as a mean stuck-up person. But I’am not. I’am the total opposite of that. Life circumstances left me being all quite and angry all the time I guess.
If anyone right this moment asked me what would I wanna do, I would say: travel the world, document my experiences, be an inspiration to young girls, owing a little boutique, everything fashion, but most importantly is to create my own charity against poverty and help those in need, those who have nothing at all.